How do you compose a CV after many years of being out of the workforce in any conventional sense? I joke about my CV having more holes in it than a sieve, but in reality it isn’t funny it is the truth. There aren’t just gaps; there is a lack of conventional employment history stretching back to 1990. Shortly after we got married I fell pregnant, then we moved from the south of England to the North West. I planned to go back to work but my husband had reasons why I shouldn’t.
In some ways it was a relief when we moved to the USA because our visa didn’t permit me to work. It is far easier to say “I’m unable to work because of our visa” than “My husband prefers I don’t work” In the age of women working and having children it did sound odd. Of course by not working I didn’t have my own income and therefore was totally reliant on my husband for money. It is a very simple way of controlling someone.
Our permanent residency was finalised at the end of 2002. In 2003 my husband was made redundant due to part of the company he worked for being sold. His ego was flattered when the new company asked if he would do some contract work for them. He did and became self-employed. I helped him in a limited way with some of the paperwork that goes with self-employment and kept his CV updated.
Then came the nanny agency. Out of the blue as it was something we had never discussed, he wanted me to start a nanny placement agency. I had been a nanny, but the thought of running my own agency never crossed my mind. We were living in a rural part of Southern Oregon. Portland and Seattle to the north, San Francisco and Los Angeles to the south. There was no market for a nanny agency and there were plenty of established ones to the north and to the south of us. That didn’t stop my husband from insisting I start one. I did with no money, no office (I used the computer in our bedroom) and was still expected to look after the house, home school the boys and assist with his business. I did manage to persuade him to allow me to spend some money on having a website designed and then updated, but as for the essential ingredient, marketing, there was no money. It will come as no surprise that the agency didn’t go anywhere and I got the blame.
After our move back to the UK there was a period of relative calm with our finances. They weren’t great but with careful budgeting they were manageable, that is when my husband wasn’t spending money like it was going out of fashion! Just like the nanny agency out of the blue he came up with the idea that I should become a bookkeeper. This was because he had been talking to someone whose wife was a bookkeeper and apparently there was a shortage of them. He had it all planned out, I was to qualify as a bookkeeper, bring in plenty of money and he could retire. I found a course on the internet that allowed you to find out if you had the necessary skills for bookkeeping. I very quickly realised that I don’t. My maths skills are pretty basic and I use a calculator for everyday maths and a converter if I need to convert pounds to kilograms for example. I would never in a million years do someone else’s bookkeeping.
Unlike the nanny agency the bookkeeping plan stopped when I pointed out it would take at least two years for me to qualify. Then I would need an office, a computer, software, insurance and marketing materials at the very minimum. All these items required both time and money, neither of which he was prepared to give.
After he died I realised I needed to start thinking about returning to work, but first I had all his financial mess to sort out. That took some time, once that was completed I then turned my attention to my CV. I cobbled one together. I also decided to become self-employed as a writer, something that I had wanted to do for years. During this period I started taking different courses included one in mindfulness and one to become a life coach.
I’ve read countless articles about how to cover gaps in your CV, but none that provide advice on how to cover gaps the size of craters. Nor does there appear to be any advice for those who have been kept out of the workforce due to being abused. How do you find the confidence to start job hunting? When you are being abused subconsciously you become a people pleaser. You do your best to please your abuser in the hope that they won’t abuse you. I know I was doing this even though I didn’t realise I was being abused. This can in turn lead to a fear of being rejected. Having a fear of being rejected doesn’t make it easy when it comes to job hunting.
As well as setting up this website and taking courses I’ve continued to job hunt. Some of the requirements in the job adverts are baffling. When I’ve looked them up I quickly realise I’m not qualified. Some work at home call centre jobs require you to have an up to date computer less than five years old, mine isn’t. All my computer skills are self taught and fairly basic and my qualifications, or at least my recent ones have all been done online. My fear of rejection, well I had to face it as thanks but no thanks replies came in or no response at all.
So why The CV of an Emotionally Abused Woman. I want it to act a timeline of my work history or lack of work history and to demonstrate the areas of expertise I picked up during the years of abuse. It doesn’t make pleasant reading. However there are positives, this website being one of them and the fact that I am writing for another website in a paying capacity. Despite all the horrors of the past, there is hope for the future.
Leigh Spencer
Nottingham
Telephone: 0XXXXXXXX Email: leigh@theinvisibleabuseproject.co.uk
Profile
Emotionally and economically abused woman in her early sixties seeks a fresh start. Accomplished at appeasing my tormentor. A specialist at taking the blame for everything. Expert in ego massaging to maintain a peaceful household. Programmed to conduct myself according to a set of pre-defined expectations. Totally compliant and will without prompting request permission to purchase the basic necessities of life. Will agree to all the views on life that her tormentor has. Has no opinions or thoughts of her own.
Areas of Expertise
| · Avoiding Confrontation | · Being Intimidated | · Distrustfulness |
| · Economic Abuse | · Emotional/Physiological Abuse | · Fear |
| · Gaslighting | · Insomnia | · Isolation |
| · Loneliness | · Numbness | · Panic Attacks |
| · Recovery | · Severe Migraines | · Stress |
Professional Experience and Significant Achievements
Advocate for raising awareness about emotional and financial abuse 2016 – Present
The Trying to Figure Out Who I Am Years
- Set up a website www.theinvisibleabuseproject.co.uk
- Freelance writer for a website that caters for the over 50s
- Volunteer on an over 50s website welcoming new members to the private community
- Took courses to improve my employability
- Wrote a book about my abuse – “Do You Mind if I Buy Myself Some New Underwear?”
- Finally faced the truth about being in an abusive relationship
- Supported my sons as they came to terms with their father’s abuse
Return to the UK 2010 – 2015
The Frustrating Years
- Organised move back to UK including arranging flights and transportation of all our household items
- Assisted husband with job search including writing his updated CV
- At husband’s insistence attempted a bookkeeping course and failed due to not being math orientated
- Helped my sons with their search for educational opportunities
- Co-ordinated house hunting and relocation in the UK upon our return from the USA
- Dealt with sudden and unexpected death of husband and the aftermath
The Isolation Years 2000 – 2010
The Later USA Years
- Continued to home school my two sons until our return to the UK
- Arranged move from California to rural Southern Oregon
- Supported husband when he was made redundant
- Assisted husband with his business.
- Briefly setup and ran a small nanny agency at insistence of husband.
- Member of the emergency notification team in our region of Southern Oregon
- Dealt with evacuation due to fire and almost evacuation due to floods
- Wrote short articles for a free Southern Oregon publication
- Arranged sale of home in Oregon by using the for sale by owner method including producing a brochure, designing flyers, running a website and writing adverts
Stay at Home/homeschooling Mum 1996 – 2000
The Early USA Years
- Husband’s employment moved us to the USA
- First few years in the USA legitimately unable to work due to visa restrictions
- Homeschooled both of my sons
- When finally able to work husband still refused to allow me
Full Time Mum 1990 – 1996
The Baby and Toddler Years
- Full time stay at home mum due to husband’s insistence I give up work
- Moved three times
- Marriage
Hostel Administrator 1988 – 1990
YMCA/MOD Residence Farnborough
- Provided pastoral care for hostel residents and staff
- Responsible for hostel administration including ordering supplies, overseeing collection of resident’s rent, in charge of bookings and hiring of personnel
- Assisted with arranging maintenance contractors for repair and maintenance issues with the hostel building and grounds
- Oversaw setting up of a day care centre for MOD personnel at Farnborough
Nanny and World Traveller Pre 1988
- Nanny in Canada for two years.
- Nanny in the UK both before and after Canadian nanny employment.
- Represented the UK Lions Youth Exchange Programme in New Zealand
- Ran day a small day care centre/nursery school registered with the local Social Services department
Education and Professional Development
Post 2015
- NCFE CACHE Level 2 Certificate in Awareness of Mental Health Problems
- Public Health England COVID-19: Psychological First Aid
- JAG Training Limited Volunteers’ Learning Programme
- Google Digital Garage Certificate
- Centre of Excellence Diploma in Life Coaching
- Centre of Excellence Mindfulness Diploma
- Courses in writing short stories, children’s stories, English language development how to publish books, blogging, content writing and copywriting
Pre 2010
- Member of American Business Woman’s Association, (ABWA)
- International Nanny Association, (INA), and Care Trust
- TEFL Diploma
- Montessori Nursery Teaching Diploma
- CSE’s, ‘O’ Levels, O/A Levels.
Other Information
- Non driver
- British Citizen